


Baby Steps

by BastardSonOfDay (Diana_Raven)



Series: Bingo Prompts [15]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Gen, Past Abuse, Recovery, and didnt want this to end up twentyk which it would have, but i was lazy, everyone go read bright eyed and bushy tailed its super good, lussian if you squint, so i cut it off here, this could have been longer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 22:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Raven/pseuds/BastardSonOfDay
Summary: Cassian and Lucien work through Lucien's recovery together.





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772349) by [avislightwing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avislightwing/pseuds/avislightwing). 



> Prompt: Learning to be loved
> 
> For some reason I did a weird style change... idk why. 
> 
> I wrote this as gen, but really it does have a smackering of lussian so yeah. But I really loved Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed and the relationship these two characters had, and this isn't as angsty as it could have been but more hurt/comfort or fluffy so yeah, a break after my last prompt for yall (the last one was pretty heavy....). So this is definitely based off of that... there are some scenes that I definitely took the same idea but wrote it in my words (like... the first scene...) um but yeah. Everyone go check out Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed.

Lucien flinched when Cassian raised his hand to high five him after a particularly biting remark. That was how Cassian knew that Lucien’s recovery would be a long and hard process.

* * *

When Feyre called him over with a “I can’t leave him _alone,_ Cass! C’mon, you’re the only one free anyway! _Please_ , Cass!” He didn’t quite know what to expect. So Cassian came over. Feyre slammed her credit card into his hand and ran to her car, and left Cassian staring into an almost empty apartment.

Cassian peeked into the apartment and was faced with Lucien Vanserra.

Their relationship started off with annoyed ambivalence. Lucien was annoyed because he clearly felt as though Feyre and Rhysand didn’t trust him, which, Cassian had to admit, they probably didn’t. Cassian was annoyed because he didn’t seem wanted, which, to be fair, he wasn’t.

The first time Cassian babysat Lucien (because that was really what it was, babysitting) neither of them had much of anything to do.

“So.” Cassian said. “What’cha doing?”

Lucien glanced up from his book and then glanced back down at it. “Take a wild guess.” He said, flipping a page.

 _Oh. So it was going to be like that, huh_? Cassian sighed and stood. It was about five in the evening as it was, and the reason Feyre and Rhysand had rushed out was because of some work thing… or whatever. This left Lucien and Cassian with no dinner, which was why Feyre had slammed her gold card into Cass’s hands before she’d rushed out to help deal with the emergency or whatever. He poked around the kitchen, he didn’t want to order out since he’d already had a cheat day that week, but when he opened the fridge he realized why exactly Feyre had given him a credit card. It was empty.

Cassian frowned and walked back to the couch. He sat with a loud plop and glanced at Lucien, who had ignored him for the past few minutes.

“You hungry?” Cassian asked.

Lucien waved a hand boredly. “Just order something if you’re hungry.”

Cassian narrowed his eyes. “Are _you_ hungry, though?”

“No.” Lucien said. He flipped another page in his book and said nothing.

Cassian frowned and patted around for a remote. He found one on the right-hand side table and clicked on the TV. He flipped through channels until he found some mindlessly boring telenovela and half-watched half-played on his phone.

He was absorbed in the Candy Crush knock-off app he was playing when Lucien stopped reading. He stood and began wandering around the kitchen aimlessly. Cassian only looked up from his phone when he heard the cabinets being shut loudly.

Cassian noticed how Lucien winced, even though it was of his own doing.

“Are… you hungry?” Cassian asked.

Lucien shrugged and continued looking through Feyre and Rhysand’s kitchen.

Maybe he should broach the topic differently. “When was the last time you ate?” Cassian asked.

Lucien shrugged again. “A while ago.”

“Noon?”

Lucien said nothing.

“Have you eaten anything at all today?”

Lucien shrugged. Cassian was starting to hate that gesture. He took it as a no.

“Come on.” Cassian said. Cassian stood up, and he grabbed his coat.

“Where are you going?” Lucien asked.

“We’re going food shopping.” Cassian said. “Well, that is, if you want to come.”

Lucien shrugged.

“Come on, get your coat.” Cassian ordered. Lucien sighed, and did as he was told.

“Feyre always orders in.” Lucien said softly.

“I’m aware. But, I already had my cheat day this week. You don’t mind if I cook for you, do you?”

Lucien blinked at him.

“What?”

“You can cook?”

“Well, sure. Can’t-” Cassian shut his mouth. He’d forgotten about Lucien’s previous… roommate. Cassian reframed his question, in case what he was about to say would have sounded accusatory. “Can _you_ cook?”

Lucien chewed on his lower lip as Cassian led him to his car parked in front of Feyre and Rhysand’s house. Cassian opened the driver’s seat door and Lucien stared at the passenger’s seat.

“What’s wrong?”

Lucien hesitated before opening the door slowly. “Nothing.” He said as he climbed in. “Nothing.”

Cassian realized he should have asked Lucien earlier, so he decided to ask now. “By the way, it’s no trouble, promise. Just, if there’s anything I should know… any triggers or-”

“There aren’t any.” Lucien snapped. “I don’t have triggers.” He said the word ‘triggers’ with disgust, as if he found the whole idea he could have any contemptible.

 _Oh boy._ “Okay. Just checking,” _liar_ , Cassian thought, though he knew calling Lucien as such would get nothing more out of him, “and if any come to mind, later or whatever, you can still tell me if you want. It’s no trouble at all. We all have things that upset us.”

Lucien stared out the window and said nothing as he buckled his seat belt. Cassian started the car. “So, do you cook?” Cassian asked again, having not gotten an answer the first time.

“No.” Lucien said. “Tam always had a professional, and Dad-” Lucien paused, “-Dad did the same.”

“Okay. Do you have any dietary preferences? Allergies?”

Lucien shook his head.

“Okay. Anything in particular you think you could eat?”

Lucien shrugged.

 _Ah yes, again with the shrugging…_ “Okay, well there’s no particular rush. We can choose when we get there.” Cassian started up the car. He wanted to continue to engage Lucien but he was terrified of saying the wrong thing. “When you were a kid what did you like to eat?”

Lucien smiled as he looked out the window. “Mac and cheese. It reminds me of… good times.”

“Oh? Rhys’s mother used to make mac and cheese for us when we were sick. That or soup, depending on how hot it was outside. I always preferred mac and cheese… I like it with hot cocoa. Are you a cocoa or coffee or tea guy?”

“Tea.” Lucien said.

Cassian shivered. “Rhys’s mom liked tea too, I don’t get the love.”

Lucien shrugged. “It’s calming.”

“So I’m told. Maybe I should try it again, now that I’m older.”

Lucien stayed quiet for a few minutes as Cassian pulled onto a busy street. “The only food Mom could cook was a grilled cheese. She used to make those for me when I was sick. It always came out somewhat burnt though.”

Cassian chuckled lightly. “Rhys is the same. He can’t make food on his life.”

“Feyre _can_ cook. She just doesn’t care to. Especially not after Tam’s cook, she just… fell out of the habit.” Lucien said softly.

Cassian pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. “C’mon.” He said, taking the keys from the car.

Together they walked through the store. Cassian watched Lucien, following him slightly as he ambled around the store. When asked what he wanted to buy, Lucien would shrug and flush. “You don’t need to buy anything for me...” He would say. So, Cassian made a silent rule: if Lucien looked more than twice at a product Cassian put it in the cart. This made for a successful trip in Cassian’s eyes. After an hour and a half of shopping, Lucien helped load the groceries into Cassian’s Jeep’s trunk and then Cassian drove Lucien back to Feyre and Rhysand’s house.

Once all of the perishables were stuck in the fridge, Lucien began walking back to the couch. Cassian cracked his knuckles, the sound made Lucien jump. Cassian noted it, but said nothing and neither did Lucien. After looking over their groceries, Cassian took out a pot and a cutting board and began preparing their meal.

Lucien had incidentally picked up multiple types of cheeses and pasta. Cassian was sure their earlier conversation had put the seed in his head, so that was what Cassian decided to make. He added a salad for himself (he needed at least a certain percentage of veggies for himself, or he didn’t count it as a healthy meal), and hesitated before sticking another pot on the stove and grabbed the cocoa powder he’d impulsively bought. It was Rhysand’s credit card anyway, it wasn’t like Cassian couldn’t impulse-buy things. Cassian got to work.

In less than an hour the apartment was filled with the smells of a home-cooked meal. Lucien even felt his stomach start to growl. He turned around—knees on the couch cushions, resting his elbows on the back—and watched Cassian finish up. Cassian grabbed a bunch of utensils and dropped a couple. Lucien leapt over the couch, grabbing them before they could hit the ground and helped Cassian lay out the dishes on the island in the middle of the kitchen. Feyre and Rhysand, Lucien knew, ate breakfast here every morning. Their dinner table was in the dining room a few meters over.

Cassian spooned a generous heap of food into a bowl for Lucien and slid him a plate with utensils across the granite of the island. Lucien waited until Cassian had served himself before he slowly picked at the food in front of him.

“You didn’t have to make me a serving...” Lucien mumbled.

Cassian smiled, his mouth full of noodles. “I wanted to!” He swallowed noisily. “You’re probably starving, anyway.”

Lucien was hungry… a little. He slowly raised the noodle speared on his fork to his mouth. He sniffed it, Cassian had added spices. Lucien ate the noodle, chewing slowly. He could taste onion and garlic and chili… not quite enough, Lucien thought, but good enough for someone who was used to different spices. Lucien mulled it over, before a small smile lit his face. “I approve.”

“I’m glad. This is Mom’s recipe.” Cassian said, scooping another spoonful into his mouth.

“Yeah?” Lucien asked. He watched as Cassian snarfed down the entree and moved on to the salad. Lucien ate much slower than Cass, thinking about every taste he had, savoring it. Cassian was a good cook, Lucien had to admit.

“Yeah.”

“Cassian?”

“Yeah?”

“You got any of that hot chocolate?” Lucien asked. “If it’s that good and all...”

Cassian’s grin was ear-to-ear. “In fact, I do.”

* * *

That was how it started out. At first it was just meals whenever Cassian was called to babysit. Slowly, Lucien began to talk more and more, and eat more and more. Cassian took it as a compliment. All of their talk finally led to their trading of numbers. After that they talked almost every morning. All their conversations were about stupid stuff: memes, food, more memes, Feyre and Rhysand being annoying, favorite movies, food, even more memes, etc. Cassian was okay with that. Sometimes he wished that he knew more about what was going on in Lucien’s head than just the fact that he loved Chick Flicks, but he knew that sometimes you just had to be the stupid conversation friend. Cassian was okay with playing that roll in Lucien’s recovery.

* * *

The first time Lucien came over to his apartment was when Cassian was having a party. Cassian had just been offered a major contract training security guards with a big company, so he was celebrating. He decided to invite Lucien along with his family and friends.

The party was somewhere between a rager and a house party. His friends and coworkers were ecstatic, so at some point, of course, the night got out of hand—music blared, neighbors were disturbed (and invited to join, of course), and Lucien, never the life of the party if he could help it, found his way to Cassian’s bedroom (an Off-LimitsTM area, for obvious reasons) and secluded himself there, until the merriment was over and Feyre and Rhys decided to leave (they were his ride, after all).

Cassian’s room was pretty minimalist. There was a nice cool color scheme. Cassian had a closet, a rug, a night-table, a bed (made with military precision), and a dresser. Everything was neat and calm… Lucien liked the stillness and quiet. There was a closed door to a half-bath bathroom. There was a window with dark blue curtains drawn. The window overlooked the parking lot of Cassian’s building, with a beautiful view of the sparkling city despite the immediate scenery. Lucien watched the lights wink in and out, it calmed him despite the pounding of his head from the music outside the room.

Lucien was very much surprised when the door opened and Cassian stumbled in, waving to someone outside that he would be out in a moment, and then closing the door again so and leaning against the door, sighing loudly. Cassian turned his head to look at Lucien. He was covered in confetti (Lucien hadn’t seen that earlier), shaving cream (maybe whipped cream? Lucien wasn’t sure), and those plastic bead necklaces that were given to little kids and thrown around at Mardi Gras. Also, his shirt was missing.

“You look… festive.”

Cassian laughed awkwardly. He flushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah… I just… needed a moment.”

Lucien nodded. He took a sip of water from his red solo cup and watched as Cassian tossed the handful of necklaces on the bed and grabbed a towel from his closet. “Too loud out there?” Cassian asked.

Lucien shrugged.

Cassian ducked into the bathroom and left the door open as he rinsed off. “I’m glad you came today.” He called out.

Lucien snorted.

“What was that?” Cassian called.

“I-um… You seem to be having a lot of fun.”

“I am.” Cassian said. The shower turned off and Cassian walked out with his sweatpants pulled back on, but still just as shirtless. He rubbed the towel through his hair. “And you?”

“I’m having fun.”

“You aren’t, and that’s okay.” Cassian said. He sat on the bed, shaking water out of his ear. “I’m sorry you aren’t though. I wanted to spend some time with you, but things got crazy…” Cassian shrugged. “But now I’ve finally escaped the hordes of party-ers, so I’m all yours.”

“You don’t have to-” Lucien began. Cassian was the most extroverted person he knew, Lucien was sure he had better things to do.

“I want to.” Cassian said. “So, how was your day?”

Lucien frowned. “It’s _your_ party, shouldn’t today be all about _you_?”

Cassian shrugged. “We can talk about me, if you want. You know I’m never opposed to talking about me.”

Lucien bit his lip to hide a smile. Cassian loved that. He hated that Lucien would try to hide the smile but he loved that he could make Lucien smile in the first place, and if he had to be honest, the gesture was kind of cute. “Congratulations.” Lucien said. “I know this is a big deal for you.”

Cassian grinned. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Lucien looked back out the window. “My day was okay.”

“It seems a lot of your days are okay lately.”

Lucien sat down on Cassian’s bed, rolling his cup between his hands. “Yeah. That’s… better than the alternative though. It’s been… stuff has been better since we started cooking.” Lucien said. “It’s nice… to have something to do.”

“I’m glad.” Cassian said with a smile. “You know our cooking lessons are the highlights of my day.”

Lucien lurched to his feet and Cassian’s eyes widened. Had he said something bad?

Lucien was flushed. His leg jiggled nervously and he glanced around the room, tapping his fingers against his drink. “Yo-You don’t mean that.”

Cassian was unsure of what to say back. He just shrugged. “You’re fun to hang out with.” He said. He leaned back against his headboard.

“Uh huh.” Lucien muttered. There was a silence, then: “Thank you for inviting me.”

“That’s what friends do.”

“We’re not friends.” Lucien said automatically. He was so used to resisting everything about Cassian and Rhysand and their family, that distancing himself from them was instinct.

“Okay.” Cassian said. He stood, and stretched. “I should get back out there.” Before he walked out he turned to Lucien, “Lucien?”

“Yeah?”

“I hope that someday we _will_ be friends, if that’s okay with you.”

Lucien didn’t smile, but he was close. “Yeah.” He said softly. “Me too.”

* * *

The next time they met was when Cassian offered Lucien a job. “Excuse me?” Lucien had said when the offer had found its way on the table.

“It wouldn’t be a lot of stuff, but we lost a towel boy—college commitments—and I was wondering if you wanted the job. It would be seven hours a day, but if a full job is too much for you two or three days a week is fine and-”

“Why are you offering _me_ a job?” Lucien asked.

“Because you’re my friend.” Cassian said confused. “And you don’t have a job. You don’t have to take it if you don’t want, I just figured I’d put it out there.”

Lucien scanned the contract. “Um...”

“It would be full wages. Benefits too, but we only offer health to towel boys, no dental and I can’t get around that… got to be fair, you understand-”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I understand.” Lucien said softly. Cassian shut his mouth. Cassian waited for Lucien, he glanced around the room awkwardly, twiddled his thumbs, etc. Lucien finally spoke. “Did Rhysand ask you to do this?” He asked in a rush.

Cassian was shocked. “No! Why would you think that?”

Lucien flushed, fiddling with the paper. “Nothing, just… I overheard Feyre and Rhys talking… they’re sick of me.”

“They aren’t!”

“They are… It’s my fault, too. I know I overstayed my welcome.”

“Well, if you ever feel uncomfortable here you can always stay with me.”

Lucien’s eyes widened. “Why?”

“Uh, ‘cuz… that’s what friends do.”

“We’re not friends.”

Cassian snorted. “Okay.”

Lucien looked back down at the contract. “We would… we would still have cooking lessons? You-You wouldn’t get sick of me or anything?” Lucien said with a slight laugh, as if he expected to need to turn it into a joke.

“Nah. I wouldn’t get sick of you.” Cassian promised with a smile.

Lucien gave him a weak smile. “Do you have a pen?”

* * *

 

Lucien freaked out when he broke the plate. He knew how much it meant to Cassian. Cassian would be so upset. Cassian would be back from shopping in a few minutes and Lucien didn’t know where his junk drawer was and he was frantically looking for the glue ( _any type!_ Even Elmer’s would be fine!) but he couldn’t find any and-

The door opened.

“Hey Lucien, what’s on fire?” Cassian asked lightly.

Lucien shoved the plate into the garbage. “Nothing.” He said. Lucien was already concocting a plan in his head. He would… He would wait until Cassian was doing dishes and he would then take the plate and stuff it under his coat and then he would leave with it and take it with him and fix it and no one would know the difference! No, that wouldn’t work. They were cooking, they would need to use the garbage and-

“Hey Lucien? Could you help me unload the groceries?” Cassian asked.

“Y-Yeah sure.” Lucien said. He chided himself for stuttering. Cassian was perceptive. He would notice something like that as a tell. Lucien needed to stop. He needed-

Groceries. Groceries were safe. Lucien headed over to help when he pulled mushrooms out of the bags. Lucien froze.

Cassian didn’t like mushrooms.

“What’s wrong?” Cassian asked.

Lucien stared at the fungi, his hands shaking. “You don’t like mushrooms.” He said softly.

Cassian was over by the fridge, putting away the milk. “But you do so I figured-”

Lucien hated himself for it but he burst into tears. He didn’t deserve Cassian. He had broke something of Cassian’s and Cassian had given him a job and was teaching him to cook and had bought him mushrooms even though he didn’t like them. And Lucien had broken his plate.

“Hey! Hey, what’s wrong? You okay? What happened?”

Lucien couldn’t get his words out. His head was so full of explanations that he was fine and that nothing was wrong, but none of them could tumble from his mouth. Cassian sat him down on the couch, rubbing slow circles into his back. Cassian whispered soft words of encouragement in his ear, never telling him to be quiet, just that they could work through it and to let it all out.

It took Lucien an hour to calm down enough to be coherent. The food went bad, but Cassian never left his side.

“I-I broke a plate.” Lucien said softly in explanation.

Cassian nodded. “That’s okay.” He promised. “That’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to and you are so nice and caring and I just-” He had expected Cassian to cut him off, to say something before Lucien could finish his explanation. But Cassian said nothing, just continuing to rub gentle circles into Lucien’s back. “-I didn’t want to make you angry. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t make me angry.” Cassian said softly. “If you can, I would appreciate it next time if you tell me what’s bothering you, but if you can’t I understand, and that’s okay too.”

“Why are you so nice to me? So forgiving?” Lucien asked softly.

“Because, that’s what friends do.” Cassian said.

This time, Lucien didn’t argue with him.

Cassian took that as a good sign, maybe Lucien was on his way to healing. Cassian thought back to that flinch, back when he’d held up a hand for a high-five the first time. Cassian would walk Lucien through his healing, Cassian promised himself. It would be a long way to go, so it was a good thing that Cassian was very persistent (or stubborn as Rhys and Feyre would call him). But any beginning was a good beginning, and Cassian would take what he could get.

**Author's Note:**

> REMINDER TO COMMENT AN ANGSTY PROMPT FOR THE FINAL IN THIS SERIES. LAST DAY TO SUBMIT PROMPT IDEAS IS THE 27TH.


End file.
